Hellsing Nursery Rhymes
by Avenging Neko
Summary: Young Mother Ketti, When her ideas she'd lose, Would craft up some rhymes. On the back of a (wild) goose. (Rated T in case)
1. Rocl-a-Bye(K)

_Hellsing Nursery Rhymes_

**_Ketti:_ **See, JuJu? I said I'd post it eventually! *coughs* This first one is very short and all me. You're welcome for the insanity!

* * *

_Rock-a-Bye baby, on the tree top,_

_When the wind blows, the cradle will rock._

_When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,_

_And down will come Baby, cradle and all._

* * *

Seras stumbled tiredly to her four poster coffin-bed, and face planted the mattress with a moan. She was asleep even before her hand flopped onto the remote to lower the lid.

* * *

_Seras gasped and squealed with laughter as she hoisted herself up onto the top branch of the tree, standing a bit shakily as she spread her arms and stared up into the sky, trying to reach the clouds. "I'm Queen of the World!"_

_The wind laughed with her, brushing her hair from her face and tugging at her clothes until she sat down, wedging herself into a cradle of branches to watch the clouds more comfortably. The tree swayed comfortingly, the warmth of the sun teasing her bare toes, and she yawned. This was surprisingly comfortable._

_The whole tree started to shake more violently quite suddenly as a cloud covered the sun and Seras shrieked as she grabbed the branches to hold herself in place._

_Looking down, and down, and down she gaped in disbelief at the crowd gathering at the base of the tree; her parents! Simon, Eddie… the whole team was there, but there was something wrong with them, and she whimpered, clinging tighter to the branch as they shook the trunk. Why did they want her to fall?_

_Tears gathered in her eyes, but she refused to cry as she held on for dear life. The wind wasn't laughing anymore._

"_Stop it! I don't want to go with you!"_

_Their words, if they said anything, were lost as their pale leering faces gazed up at her, and one of them started to climb the tree._

_No longer feeling tired in the least, Seras fought the urge to scream, and quite suddenly found a slingshot in her hands, the sling preloaded with a stone. A desperate light bloomed in her blue eyes as she pulled back and fired, hitting dead on and sending the first climber – Eddie – to the ground with a sickening thud._

_The trunk of the tree cracked and swayed even harder and she screamed as the shudder crept up to the forest giant's where she was perched. The wind screamed in her ears now, coldness nipping her skin and drying her tears before they could fall._

_The base of her branch creaked ominously and she was nearly dumped out into thin air. What could she do?_

_The child sized Seras opened her mouth to scream, when suddenly she was falling, tree limb and all._

_Her words caught in her throat, and her lids slammed shut, as if not looking would make it go away._

_There was a sound in her ears, a terrible hungry moaning, mixed with the rushing winds, and she was sure that any second now, she'd wake up dead._

_And then, just as suddenly as the bough broke, she was no longer falling vertically, she was being dragged horizontally. Baffled, her eyes opened and stared in awe at the massive head of the six eyed black hound who had rescued her, holding the large branch as though he were playing fetch._

_She smiled, completely at ease with the enormous hell hound and reached out to pat his nose. "Good dog."_

Seras groaned as she felt a weight on her back, pressing her uncomfortably into the bed. Opening her eyes, she peeked at her alarm clock and snarled, "Noon?"

The weight shifted and she felt a cold nose press into the back of her neck and she squealed, squirming like a mad woman to come face to face with Baskerville. On her bed. Using her as a pillow.

"No, bad dog!"

He whined piteously and licked her cheek, overly long tongue drenching her pale skin in drool. "GROSS!"

Baskie seemed to pout as Seras scrubbed the saliva off her cheek and she shoved at his chest, "Move over, you're crushing me."

Baskie huffed and obeyed, curling around her suffocatingly instead and resting his head on her stomach.

She groaned and pushed on his cheek before giving up, "Fine! But don't snore, and no drooling."

He whuffed and wagged his tail and she grabbed her spare pillow to cover her face with it and try to get back to sleep.

"Bad dog…"


	2. Lavender's Blue (J)

_Hellsing Nursery Rhymes_

Author's Note: Juju here! This is one of my favorite nursery rhyme/songs. It's just cute, and I've always loved it. So when we all got the idea to do Hellsing nursery rhymes, I opted for this one! Hope you like it!

* * *

"_Blood is crimson, ditto ditto; Pip's eyes are green_

_When I am King, ditto ditto; you shall be Queen_

* * *

"Eww, gross." Seras looked at the tiles in disgust. She was curled up in the East bathroom's supply closet in order to escape a certain prowling voivode, and she had just realized that the fuzzy thing she'd placed her hand on wasn't a washcloth after all. Pip appeared from the dark shadows lacing her makeshift hidey-hole and leaned close to the floor, his eternally-lit cigarette lighting the small space somewhat.

"Is that mold?" he made a face and backed away before sliding around her like a snake. "Alucard, 9:00, and he's getting impatient," he added with a slight smirk. Seras scowled and shifted them both up onto the shelves, making herself insubstantial enough so that she could sit on the shelf while still stretched out around the other pieces of wood.

"Leave me alone!" she called out to the empty space, knowing he could hear her. "Honestly, sometimes I wish he'd never come back at all. It's been nothing but chaos." Pip smiled but didn't reply, taking a drag on the facsimile cigarette and blowing out nonexistent smoke. Seras looked at him curiously; she wasn't sure if he even felt the craving for nicotine anymore, or if he just summoned his own cigarette from the habit of it.

She knew it wasn't real; but it sure as hell looked it and she half-wished she could smell the chemical odor. Then she could fool herself into thinking that she wasn't talking with a familiar that existed only to her. Sir Integra couldn't see Pip, although she'd never doubted that he still existed within her female charge. And Alucard knew good and well that she'd allowed him to stay, and although he didn't like the fact that a lewd Frenchman now lived within the innermost chambers of her psyche he never said a word. For that, she was grateful enough. She didn't know if she could handle letting him go. He'd become her closest friend over the years—there was no way he couldn't be, seeing as he knew what she was thinking 99.9% of the time.

"Hey, hey!" Pip smacked his shadow fists at a gloved hand pushing its way through his torso. "That's me, you bloodsucking idiot!" He looked imploringly at Seras. "Get your head in the game, Mignonette; I thought we weren't going to let him catch us today!" Seras nodded and backed away slowly through the wall of the supply cupboard, all her senses on the lookout for the crimson incarnation of aggravation before leaping off the counter and sprinting through the door and down the hall in a flurry of shadow. She tried to think of where to hide next. Her room was no good; his was even worse. Sir Integra had already ordered them both to leave her alone after their scuffle under her desk earlier that night. Walter wasn't around to protect her anymore, and the new butler was as cowardly as he was uptight.

"What about the soldier's barracks?" Pip whispered in her mind as she made it through the front door and out into the night air. She shook her head as she barreled down the path to the front door. The barracks would offer temporary sanctuary at best; the soldiers would try to protect her, and knowing Alucard's intolerance for "foolish human meat bags" she didn't really think he'd spare them in this situation. Besides, most of them thought she was cracked; still talking to an "obviously dead" man as though he were still around. She knew that they thought she wasn't able to handle Pip's death and they still cared about her, even if she was crazy. But she just wished they wouldn't whisper it behind her back. She could still _hear_ them.

_6:00!, _Seras didn't think twice. She leapt straight into the air, somersaulting twice like a gymnast as the world slowed down to slow-motion. He was right below her, following the path of her body in the air. They came nose-to-nose and she saw his lips move although they were both going far too fast to hear sound. _Hi there_. She bristled and shoved at his face with both hands, feeling him grin through the fabric of her gloves.

She used him as leverage to push herself into a fall, rolling on the ground before breaking into a dead run around the eastern side of the mansion. She saw two humans milling about on the road ahead and hoped to God that they'd figure how to get out of the way before Alucard caught up to her. On closer inspection, she noticed that it was Sir Integra and stingy old Meadows. Meadows had the habit of insisting that Integra move from her seat and get some exercise for at least an hour a night. That was one thing that Seras and the butler happened to agree upon: Sir Integra's arthritis would never get better if she stayed hunched over paperwork 24/7. She raced past them, looking by as she continued her journey to unknown safety. Sir's eye opened wide, a question forming on her lips as what must have been a blur flew ahead of them. Meadows just looked as though he were about to piss his over-starched pants.

* * *

Integra watched the dust cloud settle in the vampiress' wake, blinking her one good eye rapidly and looking around. Mr. Meadows was alright, although his face had lost what little color it had to begin with. The young man looked past the bushes lining the path before turning to his elderly charge.

"Was that- That _couldn't_ have been Miss Victoria." At Integra's nod, he pursed his lips. "She knows the rules about on- estate conduct. I'll have to have a talk with her about running on the grounds again, it seems." He crossed his arms, prepared to launch into a one-sided tirade about vampire's apparent lack of manners when he noticed that his audience's attention was elsewhere. Turning back, he noticed the _other _vampire standing by the corner of the house with a wide smirk on his face.

Meadows had to admit; Miss Victoria may have been around longer and still didn't have a firm grasp on the rules, but at least she was friendly and easygoing. This new one, the male—who had apparently dropped from the sky in the middle of the night and no one had batted an eye—gave no thought at all for the rules and the first time the poor butler had tried to warn him, he'd almost been eaten by a multi-eyed, multi-headed hellhound. Only Miss Victoria's speed and debating skills had saved him.

The male let out a slow, rolling laugh that evolved into a spine-tingling cackle that echoed eerily across the grounds as if amplified by a speaker. Meadows watched in half-awe, half-terror as the man's hair grew and whipped in its own wind as he slowly stalked across the lawn with shadows pooling at his feet. His boss seemed to have no fear at the sight; instead she seemed irritated and dismayed.

"Just because she isn't your servant anymore doesn't mean you can treat her like this!" she called as the hellion passed across their path. "You hear me, servant? Leave Seras alone!" This seemed to make the vampire pause. He looked over at the humans with wide, crazed eyes and his grin became even wider, threatening to split his fanged face in two.

"My master," he drawled in a mocking parody of a loving tone. "Because she isn't my servant anymore; that's _exactly _the reason I'm "treating her like this", as you call it." He turned and sniffed the breeze, chuckling under his breath. "I can smell her anxiety from here," he murmured to himself gleefully before turning back to the woman. "If you'll excuse me, my bride awaits." He vanished into a swirl of mist and shadow, leaving the two humans alone on the path.

"Wait!—bride? Oh, I'm getting too old for this," Integra sighed. "I feel a migraine coming on." Meadows rushed to grab her elbow, sliding his muscled arm through hers easily. She patted it dotingly as he fussed over her. It was nice to have a strong, handsome young man tend to her so well. She eyed his tight pants as he led her back to the house, chattering on about how she should be getting her rest. _If only I were forty years younger_, she thought with a mental laugh. The best thing about being old was that she could flirt with younger men and it didn't mean a damn thing. Besides; if they were willing to come to her, who was she to be coy? Hearing a distressed cry from somewhere to the south, she winced. _Poor Seras. I hope she makes it through alright._

* * *

Seras hit the east wall, barely touching the stones before traveling down it with growing panic. _There's nothing I can do—trapped, trapped like a rat; no matter where in the world I hide, he's always going to find me—what am I going to do, __**what am I going to do**__!? _

"Don't lose your head, Cher. You'll think of something." Pip's voice was unsure in her mind, although he was trying his best to calm her down. "_Wha_-" He was cut off as she was tackled from behind, too fast for even him to warn her. Hands grabbed at her and pulled; the body behind her took the brunt of impact as they rolled on the ground before stopping on their backs. She immediately threw Pip into the recess of her mind and locked the imaginary door—she hated to keep him in the dark (literally), but she didn't want him to see or hear whatever was going to happen between her and her former master.

She gazed up in stunned silence at the full moon hanging low in the night. It was going to give way to the sun soon; her body was already warning her of the approaching dawn. Breaking out of her slight trance, she immediately began to struggle against the hands holding her flat against a strong, solid body.

"I'm tired of playing these games," a voice cooed in her ear. She froze at the dark timbre before pushing against him with all her might. Without warning, a slick sensation traveled up her cheek before entering her ear and she shivered in repulsion. _Long, slimy, gross-gross-gross eewwwww_—

"What do you want with me?" she whimpered as she struggled against him. Even if there was nowhere in the world that she could hide, even if they'd been going at it for _three days_ without a break; she wasn't going to stop fighting until the last breath had exited her body for good. She heard him laugh softly at her mental resolve.

"I always did enjoy your tenacity. It's one of the many qualities that drew me to make you one of us," he admitted before his powers iced their way through her veins, forcing her to dissipate along with him. "I'm glad the years hasn't diminished that particular quality," he added as he deposited her onto her own bed before crawling onto it himself. He advanced on her and she placed a single hand on his chest to keep him away. He leered at her before licking in-between her fingers, causing her to jerk back with a cry of repugnance.

"Stop it, what do you want—what…," she slowly trailed off as he pulled up flush with her, staring down into her eyes heatedly. Oh, yes; she _really _didn't need Pip seeing this. At the thought, his eyes twinkled with mirth. He bent down, sniffing her pulse point before whispering in her ear.

"Are you sure you don't want him watching? Some women find that having an audience is rather enticing."

"Quit reading my mind. We're not bonded anymore like that." She turned her head, staring stonily at the wall. She hated it when he sought out her thoughts. She became a lone vampiress for privacy and singularity, and she didn't appreciate him sticking his mind into hers uninvited as if he still owned her.

"No, we're not," he conceded. "I miss hearing your daily turmoil sometimes. It was interesting to listen to." The confession surprised her; not once since the night she accepted his offer, after he'd come back all those years ago, had he ever expressed any sort of loss for their closeness. She'd always thought that she'd only been a bit of a hindrance to him; all those silly, unconnected musings fluttering around in her brain must have been very noisy.

"Is that so?" she asked sardonically, shifting to a more comfortable position under him. He gave a short bark of laughter before resting his forehead on hers.

"Yes, my little fiancée. Women's minds are so much flightier. It's a welcome break from the redundancy of my own thoughts." She scowled at the term and tried again to shove him away.

"I never said yes, you big pillock." He sighed against her neck.

"We've been over this; you said yes the minute you accepted my hand in that village."

"I did not! I never knew what you meant in the first place! I'd rather have died." She made a face at the ceiling, but stopped pushing him away.

"I don't account for ignorance. Maybe you should have asked what I meant."

"_I was dying_. I didn't have time to ask for a written agreement." He raised up and shrugged.

"Too late now, my dear. When I finally am rid of this place and regain my rightful throne as king, you're going to be right there beside me. It's settled." She groaned and rolled away, facing the wall. He curled an arm over her waist, tugging her back until they had full-on body contact once more.

"Leave me alone," she mumbled against her pillow. "I told you that I'm not marrying you. I'd run to the ends of the Earth to escape you; I want some free choice!" she added defiantly. He snorted and made himself comfortable against her, dropping off into a doze.

"What'd I tell you last week? You start running, and I'm going to chase you. I've lost three brides already; you're staying, whether you like it or not." She felt a pang of sadness for him in the depths of her heart. Three brides… still, _she_ never signed up to be Dracula's bride.

"Not Dracula anymore, so don't worry about that," he sneered against her skin.

"If you're not Dracula, then quit counting those as _your _brides," she snapped back.

"Don't tell me what to do," was the only reply she got before he fell asleep, his breathing slowing and finally stopping its path along her skin. She tried to move his arm, which had tightened around her body in an iron grip. Finally giving up, she laid against her pillow and unlocked Pip for him to come back out. He stayed in the back when he sensed Alucard's presence, but puffed happily on a cigarette in her mind.

"I think you'd make a lovely Vampire Queen," he teased. She growled at him to shut up before closing her eyes. In the end, she'd never agree to be Dracula's bride. But maybe—_just maybe _in a few years, with the proper thought and her own free will, she would be Alucard's. But it was still a maybe, no matter what he tried to convince her of differently. Ignorance be damned.

* * *

**Afterword:** THE END. Don't cry. One-shots are supposed to leave you wanting more. Juju needs to get back to doing what she does best- and that is lying on her couch and eating food.


	3. Pop Goes The Weasle (K)

_Hellsing Nursery Rhymes_

**_Ketti: _**Look ma, no hands! ... *cricket chirp* ... Okay, okay, onto the silly!  
We'll keep doing these for as many ideas we get. Never fear!  
PS: Your turn next, JuJu!

* * *

_All around the round table's bench,_

_The kitty chased the vampire._

_The Frenchman thought 'twas all in fun._

_Pop! Goes the firearm!_

* * *

There was an earth shattering shriek as the blonde Draculina burst from her room, face pinched with disgust. "Stop it! Get away!"

In her wake followed a laughing, equally blond, boy holding a dead frog by the leg as his cat ears twitched, "But Frauline, he might be your Prince! Just one peck!"

"No!"

It was quite the comical sight; a buxom young woman clad in a red uniform fleeing for her life from a boy no older than thirteen.

Seras' left arm rippled, the skin blackening and threatening to dissolve into a mass of shadows before she glared at it and jumped through the wall, "It's NOT FUNNY!"

A ghostly laughter, that perhaps only she could hear, answered her mockingly, _"Ah c'mon, Mignonette, just a peck."_

She snarled in response and came out the other side of the wall in the main foyer, only to scream as she nearly ran face first into the dangling, limp, _slimy_, body of the dead frog Schrodinger held.

"MASTER!"

Phasing through the cat boy, she dove through yet another wall in her fervor to escape. Gross, gross, gross, _GROSS!_

"_It just means he likes you, Mignonette." _Pip cheerfully informed her, and she could clearly see his mocking smirk in her mind. She sneered and mentally flipped him off.

"Oh Fraaaauliiiine~"

Seras froze, the voice coming from directly above. The collar of her jacket was pulled back and something cold and slimy wriggled against her skin.

She screamed bloody murder and phased through the floor, leaving the uniform coat behind. "MASTER, MAKE HIM STOP!"

She felt like a child again, in the orphanage, when the boys would put worms in her spaghetti and thumbtacks in her shoes. She was practically in her fifties! (Though she'd be trapped forever in the body of a nineteen year old.) The thirty years her Master was gone for meant nothing, not when his sole remaining familiar was chasing her through the manor with slimy things.

It was just her luck that the room she dropped into from above… was the Round Table conference room. During a meeting. Again she froze, crimson eyes wide as a mortified flush spread across her cheeks, but when a tiny body tackled her and brandished the frog in her face, she shrieked and threw the catboy over her shoulders, and bolted to the other side of the large table.

"Make him stop!" She wailed, looking pleadingly at Sir Integra from her crouched position at the elderly Hellsing's chair. Schrodinger just laughed as he bounced to his feet and waved the slimy creature at her mockingly, "Don't you want to know if he's your Prince Charming, Frauline?"

The male members of the Council of Twelve started muttering and shifting in their seats, "Sir Integra, this is-"

**BANG!**

The body of the blond child hit the wall, the top half of his skull missing, the dead frog hitting the floor with a _plop_. The smoking gun was set on the table at Integra's side as she graced Seras with an exasperated look, "_Really_ now, Seras, this is ridiculous."

The Draculina looked down in shame and mumbled something about slimy things under her breath before phasing through the floor with a subdued air. "Yes Sir, sorry Sir."


	4. Hickory Dickory Dock (J)

**_Hellsing Nursery Rhymes_**

**Author's Note:** Juju couldn't help it. Sheloves David Bowie too much. Besides, when he and Queen got together; magic! Besides, who doesn't love a good old-fashioned love song?

* * *

_Hickory Dickory Dock  
Seras ran up the clock.  
The clock struck one  
and down she come;  
Hickory Dickory Dock._

* * *

"_Gah_! Look vampire; your Fraulein!" The cat-boy familiar pointed up in fear at the large national monument hanging over London. Big Ben was the sight of their newest vampire battle, and it was only getting more and more frenzied by the minute. Apparently, their one vampire had almost instantaneously multiplied into twenty as the Hellsing operatives and their familiars stumbled upon a cleverly hidden vampire coven.

"What now?" Alucard shouted over his shoulder impatiently, too busy sawing the head off a vampiress with a bullet to see what the boy was pointing at. He wasn't the most tranquil person as it was, and many times over he'd regretted ever letting the "Hitler youth" (as Seras had dubbed him when one of his many pranks-gone-too-far rubbed her the wrong way) live inside of him as a familiar. The boy was only being a child, but that was the thing—Alucard happened to hate children. True, he had a smidgen more patience with the little brats than he did with adult who knew better, but this boy was forever caught in the most annoying transition- that between adult and child.

"The Fraulein! She's in trouble!" Alucard sighed mentally at Schrodinger's concerned tone. The young man had taken far too much of a liking to his fledgling, especially now that she was a full-fledged vampire instead of a simpering child. He had to admit; Seras wasn't a bad-looking woman, and the way her shadows writhed around her in battle, crimson eyes narrowing as she scrutinized her prey for any sign of weakness and muscles coiling with unspent energy was utterly breathtaking. He found the young lady mouthwatering at times and had full intention to make her his someday, when _she _was ready for it.

But his familiar enjoyed her for more gentle reasons: her rolling laugh, her little quirks, the way she didn't mind letting him curl up at her feet as she worked on reports or read a book as long as he behaved—the boy was enamored with her, technical puppy-love. A crush. Alucard was almost certain the poor kid didn't even know _what_ it was that made him feel this way. But this wasn't at all amusing for the ancient being. He knew that one day, the boy would be angry with him when he claimed Seras as his territory and he didn't enjoy the thought of duking it out over a woman with a child, much less a shadow-child from his own psyche.

"Leave Seras alone and focus on the battle. The _Fraulein_ can handle herself," he sneered, adding extra emphasis on Schrodinger's adopted pet-name for Seras just to irk the boy. And it worked; Schrodinger's ears lay flat in anger on his head and he growled before actually trying to pull away from the vampire and towards the tower. "_WHAT?!" _Alucard snarled, pivoting on one heel at inhuman speed. The act of separating the two entities, without purposefully sending the boy out on his own, was actually painful. It was a sharp tug against the vampire's useless heart, squeezing the organ and causing a dull ache to the undead body, though the familiar felt nothing. Looking amidst the bodies for the shadow, he looked up at a movement to realize with terrible clarity what the feline youth had been alerting him to.

Seras held on by her mere fingers to the minute hand of the clock's face, her boots slipping on the polished surface as she scrambled to grab hold before the hand went horizontal. A vampiress was standing on the miniscule platform, not even bothering to use the gun in her hand. She was watching with interest to see if the rumored Victoria, Dracula's _own_ offspring- the greatest vampiress to roam the land in over 500 years- would be bested by something as insignificant as time. Blood dripping along Ben's face spoke of a deep injury that simply _couldn't _be healed in a few minutes.

He watched in slight astonishment as the hand swung completely straight and the bell rang out 1:00 am. Seras let go of her own accord, her gun shining in her hand as she grabbed it and shot the unprepared vampiress cleanly through both the head and heart in two shots on her way down. Alucard wasted no more time—he was everywhere and nowhere, after all. He appeared under Seras just before she hit the ground, catching her cleanly and depositing her gently on the asphalt without so much as a sound.

He immediately realized where all the blood was coming from. Somehow, the vampires that had been within the clock had practically gutted her. Her organs were on clear display, quivering wetly in the open cavern. Her lungs moved with every labored breath, oozing blood from their ripped depths even as her vampiric abilities slowly healed the gaps in them. He examined the gore in front of him professionally. Her intestines, heart, liver: all seemed to be intact and none worse for wear. It was clear she'd survive the injury, since her body was working hard to heal the gaps and knit the skin slowly over the wound. For him, experienced and experimented on as he was, it would have taken a mere manner of seconds to heal. But his police girl was still young, and she hadn't had the years of testing that he had endured with Hellsing. It would take most of the day to heal.

"Calm down," he ordered roughly, watching her look down at the exposed organs and tremble in panic. "You're going to survive, don't worry." She gave a strangled gasp before turning her head away to stare at the sky, face twisted in pain.

"Oh, God—it hurts so much." He nodded sagely, mentally pushing back the young man pounding at the inside of his head, begging to be let out to "comfort the Fraulein".

"It's one of the many troubles of being undead. Take comfort, little Seras. The older you get, the easier this becomes. I hardly feel it now—in fact, I was waiting for this night to come. It's always hardest, the first time." He stroked her hair soothingly, resting her head on his outstretched legs. He had to wait until her innards wouldn't fall out when he picked her up before he could carry her to her coffin. There, she'd heal twice as fast surrounded by the good soil. She'd be good as new by nightfall. "Try not to think about it. It'll be over with soon enough."

She whimpered softly in reply, tears slowly leaking from her eyes. She looked over to him, watching him silently bask in the fading moonlight and listen to the death throes of any remaining vampires in the building. The cleanup crew would have their hands full, this night. But that wasn't his to worry about. He devoted all his mental thought into comforting his ailing childe through their bond.

The air displaced around the pair and the Frenchman pulled himself from Seras' shadows, looking sympathetically at the young lady on the ground. Saying nothing, he took Seras' hand and rubbed it slowly, nodding once to Alucard in greeting before closing his eyes and calming Seras with his presence. She was staring at the sky, breathing softly and coughing periodically. He felt the child slip around his barrier and in another moment the youth was kneeling by her head, leaning over her with a friendly smile.

"Don't worry Fraulein; shall I sing to you? What's the name of that man you love so much? I know you like to hear his tapes."

"David Bowie," Seras whispered with a smile. Schrodinger nodded and looked up, nudging the crimson-clad vampire with an elbow.

"Come on then, vampire! Sing with me to cheer up our lady!" he called happily, vocalizing the first notes to "Under Pressure". When Alucard simply hissed at him in anger, he shrugged and turned back to the woman trying and failing to laugh on the ground. "Well then, I'll just do it myself." He cleared his throat, locking his hands together in the universally accepted singing pose, and began to croon in a warble.

"_There's such a sad love deep in your eyes_," he sang, his young voice breaking with the effort. "_A kind of paaaale jewel opened and closed within your eeeeeeyyyes; I'll place the sky within your eyes_." Alucard wrinkled his nose at the singing, but Seras closed her eyes and mouthed the words along with him as Pip laughed and swayed to the music. Thankfully, the song wasn't that long and before he could lose his patience it was over and Seras had healed enough to be picked up.

Banishing his cheered familiar back to his mind, he carefully scooped up the girl as Captain Bernadotte vanished as well. He smiled down at her, his face pulling at the rare gesture strangely. She returned the expression, leaning against his vest and sighing softly as he walked leisurely down the path around the cleanup crew.

"Will you tell Sir Integra for me? That the mission is finished," she mumbled wearily. He voiced his consent and she nodded thankfully. "You should've sung too. I think your voice would have been the best."

"And I think you're delirious with pain and fatigue," he replied drolly. She gave a laugh, but at this point it was more a high-pitched exhale. "Sleep, Seras. I will make sure that everything is taken care of."

"Alright, if you say so," she whispered and within two blinks she was dead to the world. He tightened his grip around her and phased back to the mansion, through the hallways and into her room. He opened her coffin lid with his foot and placed her inside, making sure she was lying comfortably on the silken interior before gently closing the lid. He half-wondered why he took so much time and effort to make her comfortable in the first place: anyone else he would have left bleeding on the asphalt for the medics to care for.

"_Makes no sense at all; makes no sense to fall_," A German accent vocalized quietly in his mind and he growled warningly before stalking back to the hallways with the intent on informing his master of what had happened. He _really _regretted letting the youth stay sometimes.


	5. Peter Peter(K)

_Hellsing Nursery Rhymes_

**_Ketti:_ **Not much to say, because I suck. But when I finally get 100% over my ear infection, that started midnight when I woke up from a nap for New Years, I plan to write a bit more. JuJu knows this! She's making me write, too. *nod* So, until then, here's some silliness. We heart our readers. ;)

* * *

_Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater  
Had a wife and could not keep her.  
He put her in a pumpkin shell,  
And there he kept her very well._

* * *

Peter Peter was not a wise man, he built homes out of hollowed out squash for one thing, but he did know how to hold onto his wife. That was one thing Alucard had to admit about the storybook character even as he stared at Seras Victoria's back as she sauntered up the steps and out of the sub basement levels to leave for some godforsaken errand. Not even one that meant dealing death or harm! It was some mundane nonsense, and he had no patience for such when he was still freshly returned to his home. He wanted his Childe's attention and company, damnit. Perhaps he'd take a leaf out of the gourd head's book.

But he'd be patient for now; bide his time for a day or two, give the girl time to realize her mistake.

* * *

_Keep it up, Mignonette._ Pip's voice crept between her ears as she hesitated over the threshold. She sighed silently and nodded, continuing out the door and into the crisp air of the night, off on her silly errand to get Sir Integra a nice bottle of bourbon. _He's getting twitchy, our plan is working._

"Your plan, Captain." Seras murmured to herself, unashamed to speak her thoughts aloud when no mortal could hear her.

_My plan, your plan, what's the difference ma cher? The point is that he'll be coming to you for company within the week._

"And to think you got Sir to agree," Seras chortled, remembering the exasperated look on the elder blonde's face as the Draculina's familiar spelled out his plot to get the stoic man to show a little humility and ask for what he wanted. Also known as seeking out his fledgling instead of it being the other way around all the time. Seras hummed thoughtfully to herself as she played hop skip with her shadows, flitting in and out of sight miles apart.

* * *

The next night Seras was strolling casually through the halls, arms thrown up behind her head in a relaxed manner, crimson eyes hidden beneath her bangs. In her head Pip was counting down from ten as he sensed Alucard's approach. During his thirty year absence the blonde's powers had grown in leaps and bounds, and her shadows were woven through the mansion like a second skin. They had been playing this game for the past hour, and it was getting quite exciting. The Draculina's undead heart quivered in her chest as she phased in the next second and a blur of crimson-black passed through the wall behind her. Chuckling quietly to herself, she fled upstairs before his head could emerge from the wall to scold her for playing keep away.

Taking refuge in Sir Integra's study, the Draculina lounged indolently across the settee positioned by the large glass window, head lolling upsidedown on the arm rest.

"How long?" Integra questioned with amusement, pen scratching over the stark white paper, illuminated by the desk lamp and the soft blue light of her laptop screen. Seras chuckled, "Not much longer."

Just then Alucard glided into the room via the door, looking as calm and collected as ever, though Seras could smell the faint hint of frustration lingering around him as he spared a glance at his Childe over the rims of his glasses.

"Yes, Servant?" Integra questioned with a fond smile, a renewed bond growing between them.

"My Master," he crooned, sweeping the hat from his head in a bow, "have you need of us tonight?"

"Us…" Integra tapped the capped end of the pen thoughtfully to her lips as she turned to watch the indecent show of Seras Victoria's stretching across the furniture like a harem girl on display, "No, Alucard, I don't believe I will."

Seras froze mid arch, crimson eyes meeting blue before flicking sideways to focus on the red clad man and his devilish smirk on the other side of the desk. She eeped and in a second was gone. Integra chuckled dryly before coughing into her fist, the sound harsh and rattling a bit.

Alucard paused before he would have leapt in pursuit of the blonde to lay a hand on the elderly woman's shoulder, and the two shared a look before the Hellsing Heiress nodded, placing her own wrinkled hand atop his gloved one. His fingers curled lightly, squeezing the bony appendage before he melted into the floor.

* * *

Seras hummed as she paced the rooftop in the moonlight, fingers twitching at her sides from any noise. She'd run through a few walls, down to the basement, then escaped out through the air vents, but she didn't think she'd actually _lost_ him… Maybe he didn't want to play anymore?

Sighing despondently, the Draculina dropped herself onto the edge of the roof, reclining back on her hands to stare at the pale crescent moon. "I think your plan backfired, Pip."

Her shadow twitched and rippled as the Captain pulled himself up to the outside, staring at Seras with an unreadable expression on his slightly indistinct face, _Patience, ma cher! Maybe he's just lulling you into a false sense of security?_

Seras scoffed, "I doubt it, it's not his style." Slipping off the edge, she landed nimbly on all fours, like a cat, on the lawn below before stalking back to her room, ready for a good sulk.

So imagine the Police Girl's surprise, and secret delight, when a pair of gloved hands reached up from the floor just before she reached her door, and yanked her down into the lowest level of the sub basement. "Master!"

He loomed over her, larger than she remembered, almost as if she were back in time when he was like a giant to her, and bared his sharp teeth in a leer, "Police Girl."

The two stared eachother down for a good long while - at least thirty seconds! - before Seras flipped over and tried to bolt for the wall, laughing. Only to run into a familiar chest as arms like iron bands clamped around her body, hoisting her up into the air. She squealed and giggled as she stared up at him, mischief glowing in her red gaze.

"I think we've had enough running for one night, Police Girl." His voice was like silk, and she shivered mildly as he carried her closer and closer to his coffin. "In fact," he leered, the familiar amber lenses of his tinted glasses missing, allowing her an unimpeded view of his gorgeous ginger eyes, "you've been rather naughty, fledgling. I think you need a time out."

Before Seras could protest, he tossed her into the coffin and climbed in after her, closing the lid swiftly and wrapping himself around her like a snake. Well!

In no hurry to protest, the smirking Draculina cuddled up into her Sire with a smug purr, even as a whisper of an accented voice told her four utterly annoying words. _I told you so._

* * *

Seras was dreaming. That was the only explanation for it!

The sun shone in the sky with a cheerful smile, literally, and the clouds wiggled about like children doing the potty dance. Hellsing Manor sprawled out before her, looking the same as usual, though it held a more cartoony cast to it. Seras swore to stop going on tv binges when she had insomnia.

She heard a curious thumping noise coming from the back, and made her way around the grounds to see what the commotion was near the training grounds. When she rounded the last corner she stopped dead in her tracks, absolutely dumbfounded.

There. Was her Master. And a giant pumpkin.

Well, maybe giant was the wrong word, it wasn't the size of a house or anything, but it was certainly large enough to fit a person inside. She got a bad feeling with that thought, chills running down her spine, and she turned to run only to smack right into her leering Master's chest as he scooped her up bodily.

"Peter Peter, Pumpkin Eater," he crooned in a sing song tone of mockery, "Had a wife and couldn't keep her." They were getting closer and closer to the orange squash, and Seras saw with some horror that there was an opening near the top like prison bars, and there was a clearly marked seam where the cap had been removed and set back. "He put her in a pumpkin shell…" Seras struggled like mad, but her normally mutable arm remained firmly in human shape, and none of her powers seemed to be working. Less than a second later she was dropped harshly into the yawning emptiness of the pumpkin prison and the lid was crammed back into place, "And there he kept her very well!"

Seras got her legs under her and tried to stand, but she couldn't budge the cap and she heard her Master chuckle darkly. Peering out the bars, she saw his legs on either side of her, he was sitting on the pumpkin to keep her inside.

"This isn't funny!" Seras whined, reaching a hand out between the thick spongey bars to paw at his pant leg. A gloved hand slapped her own and she yelped, drawing back.

"Good little wives are seen and not heard," Alucard purred, sounding obscenely amused with this situation.

Seras growled and shifted her weight to start kicking the sides of the hollowed out space, "Let me out!"

To retaliate, the amazingly resilient pumpkin was rolled until she was balanced on her head awkwardly, legs curled up to keep herself balanced, and then the whole thing started to shake violently from side to side. Seras screamed in surprise, and it stopped, rolling itself back upright – she could tell by the position of the bars – before a pair of mocking red eyes met her own. "What's the matter, Police Girl, not a fan of pumpkins?"

"No!" Seras wailed, trying to right herself awkwardly, and cringing as her hand came down in a suddenly sticky patch of seeds that were missed when cleaning out the prison.

"No?" He simpered, and Seras felt dizzy as the gourd lifted itself and started swaying gently, she was going to be sea sick if this kept up.

"Then let's try this," he cackled, reaching into the pumpkin to shove the squirming Police Girl up the chimney.

"Eeper Weeper, chimney sweeper,

Had a wife but couldn't keep her.

Had another, didn't love her,

Up the chimney he did shove her."

"_**MASTER!"**_


End file.
